


Suddenly

by vectacular



Series: Z-to-A of Pegoryu [8]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Persona 5 Protagonist is from Inaba, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23001289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vectacular/pseuds/vectacular
Summary: Ryuji's the best friend Ren's ever had, to put it lightly.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Series: Z-to-A of Pegoryu [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540372
Comments: 10
Kudos: 106





	Suddenly

**Author's Note:**

> This one took a long time because other things. Mainly my head filling with _The Mechanisms_ music. Jonny Sims voice nice....

Ren never really fit in at home. Inaba’s… well, _Inaba_ , but he’s finding Tokyo much more interesting. Even with confusing train lines, and the oddness of hearing cars and people at night even from Yongen-Jaya. 

Even with coming across the Metaverse and Palaces and stealing rotten adult’s desires, he enjoys how exhilarating it is, to have friends to count on, that don’t shun him after being arrested. 

The first few days were a whirlwind of near-death experiences and fear, and he can’t look at Ryuji without his heart going fast due to it. 

* * *

Once the conversation goes past the other world and school, he zones out a bit. Not that he doesn’t want to listen to what Ann and Ryuji are talking about, but it’s nice to just… _be there_. Listening to the tones of their voice.

Only partially listening as he stares out of the Big Bang Burger window, mind blank as life passes by and his friends talk. 

Taking a breath, he comes back to the conversation, which is about the new season of Featherman. He doesn’t really keep track of it, but through pop culture osmosis he knows enough.

“But he’s cool! And has _freezing powers_!” Ryuji says, gesturing to Ann, who rolls her eyes. 

“You just like him ‘cuz he’s hot,” she points out. 

“That’s _besides_ the point!” Ryuji scowls.

“You think he’s…“ Ren blurts out, and freezes as Ryuji and Ann stare at him. 

“Because I’m bi? You know, bisexual―“ Ryuji says, brows furrowed.

“I know what you mean! I just―wasn’t expecting―” Ren bites his lips at the looks his friends give him. 

“I’m a lesbian,” Ann says, eyes narrowed at him, and he squirms under their stares, looking down at the table. 

“That’s―good―I’m―usually the―couples―I saw in my hometown, they just―I’m not used to,” he cuts off his ramblings with a frown. He risks a glance up and sees the other’s soft smiles. The same-gender couples in Inaba always have older people frowning and muttering horribly behind them. While they never cared, it must’ve been very hard to deal with that.

“What about you?” Ann leans onto the table and gives him an encouraging smile. 

Ren blinks, “I’m straight,” he says. Ann and Ryuji share a peculiar look, some sort of wordless conversation that ends in a shrug before they turn to him. 

“Okay. So, which one’s better: Featherman R or Xero?” Ryuji asks, voice serious. 

* * *

Stretching, he gets up from his desk, happy that class is finally over. _And_ they've already dealt with Madarame, and are just waiting until something happens. 

Walking out of the stuffy classroom, he easily spots Ryuji in the hall, bright hair and shirt standing out like a beacon. Something in him relaxes as Ryuji spots him and smiles. His best friend. 

Making his way to the blond, the floor misses his feet, and there's a moment of panic―but then he's caught. His breath comes back as he looks at Ryuji's shocked look, up close and personal. Ryuji's hands on his shoulders, with his own on the other's chest to keep them from colliding. 

In the background, he hears a high-five and and cheers, and he realises he was tripped. Ryuji seems to catch on as well, expression becoming angry as hard brown eyes flick past him. 

The talking behind him stops, probably scared by Ryuji's glare. And he… he should be angry, or _something_ , but his breath still feels short as he stares at Ryuji. 

"You okay, man?" Ryuji's eyes meet his, and he gulps. The grip on his shoulder feels secure, and Ryuji's staring at him so softly. Calling him _beautiful_ is fine because it's a fact, right? 

Ryuji's beautiful, and kind, and warm, and so, _so_ good―and suddenly, without his permission, he pictures leaning forward and _kissing_ ― 

He jumps back quickly, heart racing in terror, "y―yeah, yes, I'm fine!" He squeaks. Ryuji still seems worried, "we―we should, we should go," he fumbles, tugging on a lock of hair. 

Ryuji agrees, pulling him along as they start to leave Shujin. 

_That―that was just. Momentary insanity. That's what that was_ , he thinks. 

* * *

After _that_ moment, the ‘momentary insanity’ popped up again. In Mementos, wanting to― _kiss_ the happy smile on Skull’s face. Even when Ryuji’s mouth is messy from eating his ramen when they’re having something to eat. 

He’s never been more glad to have things like part-time jobs and his other friendships in Tokyo, as well as the Metaverse to take up his time. Ryuji’s his _best friend_ , his _first_ friend in Tokyo, and he can’t―he’s not like _that!_ All the other Phantom Thieves may be various types of not straight, but he _is!_

Ryuji’s bi, Ann and Makoto are lesbians, with Ann also being x-gender, Yusuke’s gay and ace, Futaba’s aro, and Haru’s trans, pan and aro, and he loves and supports them wholeheartedly, but he can’t be― 

* * *

Ren frowns as he glances at Futaba, who’s on his couch with her laptop, doing whatever she does. Hacking governments, maybe? There’s really nothing to do today, and Futaba’s presence is nice.

“Futaba?” He calls from his bed, and whatever she’s doing must not be enough for her to fixate on, since she looks up at him in question. “How did you know you were…?” He trails off. 

“Aro?” 

He huffs, blowing hair out of his face, “yeah.” 

Futaba _hmm’s_ and looks up, thinking. “I dunno. I just… never really got what everyone goes on about with romance. It just didn’t fit me.” 

“Was there a moment where it all, clicked?”

Futaba shakes her head, “nah. It was a low-level thing where I was thinking if I’d ever get a crush, or if I tried to imagine being romantic with someone,” she scrunches her nose, “it was a 404 error! Haru’s experience is more of the _clicking_ , from what she told me.” 

He nods, looking up at the roof. “Is it hard?” He asks, unsure of what he means. 

“In a way. It’s easier now because I know I’m not the only aromantic in the world, but it’s difficult because the world today has made everyone assume that this little girl has feelings for this little boy because they hang out, or that being single is some horrible state between finding _the one_ and getting married, and… well, a lot more.” 

Ren frowns, getting up from his bed to sit next to her. “That must be tough.” 

Futaba leans into his side almost instantly, “eh. I have my key item here, and the Phantom Thieves, so I can deal with it.” 

“I’m glad,” he says as he pats her head. Soon enough, Futaba goes back to her laptop.

* * *

Today, steam from his ramen fogs up his glasses, so he moves away a bit, watching from the corner of his eye as Ryuji inhales his own bowl. The affection creeps up through his body and he quickly averts his gaze, concentrating on his ramen, hunching over it. 

“You okay, man?” Ryuji says after his bowl is slurped clean, “you’ve been weird. Weirder than usual,” he can hear the worried frown in Ryuji’s tone, and his stomach twists at how well Ryuji knows him. 

“It’s,” he pauses, _I can’t tell you because you’re part of it,_ he thinks as he starts to eat the ramen as he gets his thoughts going somewhere else. “It’s… nothing. I mean, I just,” he pokes at a noodle, “just something I need to figure out. When I do―do that, I’ll tell you,” he finishes quietly. 

Ryuji hums, “okay,” at this Ren relaxes, “you know I’m here for anything you need, right?” Ryuji pokes his arm until he looks at him. Ryuji gives him a sunny smile, and he gulps, wanting to slide his eyes somewhere else in the restaurant. Somewhere not with the guy he _li_ ―somewhere that doesn’t have Ryuji.

“I know,” he smiles weakly in return. 

Brown eyes narrow, and while he’s used to Ryuji draping on him, like he’s doing now, it always makes his pulse race. “Are you _sure_ you’re okay? Don’t want you to get sick,” Ryuji mumbles, and he can feel his face hotter as Ryuji’s hand comes up to touch his temple.

“I―I’m―fine―not sick at all, I swear,” he chokes out as he resists the urge to flee. _Too much, too much_ his mind blares, “are―are we, we should―I’ll go kick your ass at the arcade,” Ren blurts out, standing up abruptly. People are probably looking, but he has other things to worry about at the moment. 

“We’ll see about that!” 

* * *

He _knows_ Makoto doesn’t like interrupting their studying time, but… “Makoto,” she hums as she stares writes, “how did you react when you figured out you were... ?” He trails off, and Makoto finally looks up. 

She puts down her pen and looks into the distance, “it was quite… shocking. As well as recent. Last year. I’m still getting rid of a lot of ingrained things to do with it too,” she frowns. “I didn’t explain that well, did I?” 

Ren shrugs, “I got some of it.” Like, the barest of it. Okay, _maybe_ none of it.

“I’ve never had to explain this, and my sister didn’t really… she was happy I told her I’m a lesbian, but I’ve never…“ She sighs and rubs her forehead, “why did you want to know?” 

“I just―wanted to learn,” he mumbles out, half-expecting to be reprimanded. 

All he gets in return is silence, and so he starts to work on his homework.

“I was starting to feel like I knew myself, after living with our dad’s death,” Makoto says suddenly, and he looks up to watch as she continues on with her own work, brows furrowed. “But then I had this moment with thinking, _I’d like to kiss her_ while watching some superhero TV show, and then I didn’t know myself at all? At the time it felt earth-shattering, and then going back over the moment so many times, I started to get used to it, and I was never interested in dating, but it turned out I wasn’t into dating _boys_ , and figuring that out months after that first moment. It was freeing.” 

“Freeing?” He echoes, the word slipping out before he thinks about it. 

“My dad and Sae didn’t care about me dating, just those normal straight people jokes they do, but I always had it on the back of my mind― how I’d have to get a boyfriend, or date a guy, get some some _nice husband to have babies with_ and it always dragged me down, thinking about it. So _knowing_ that I didn’t have to do that―a great pressure I put on myself was lifted,” she smiles. 

“I’m happy for you,” he grins.

“That was a better explanation than before?” He nods and Makoto sighs in relief, “I hope you learnt whatever you needed to from that,” she says, eyes suddenly sharp on him, and he looks down at his homework, avoiding her gaze, “we should keep  
studying.” 

“Next time we’re going to the arcade when we hang out,” he mutters under his breath. 

* * *

As soon as he gets to Leblanc, he runs up to his room and then paces around, energy jittery under his skin. He could be making more lockpicks, or he could’ve joined Ryuji to hang out and probably exercise, made an utter fool of himself, but this day… 

Today’s not a special day, no holiday or sentimental value, and yet his head buzzes. Morgana ran off with Futaba, so he’s alone, apart from the rare people downstairs and Sojiro. Abruptly, he sits down on the bed, not caring about his shoes or anything as he pulls the sheet over him.

 _Just try it? Just say it?_ His mind pushes and he screws his eyes shut. There’s been a constant torrent in his mind when he first saw Ryuji at the station this morning, and it’s terrifying. 

_Say it!_ Ren breathes deeply, blocking out the thoughts. 

To replace those annoying thoughts his brain decides that yes, _Ryuji_ is what he should be thinking about instead. How warm he is, how he’s gotten so used to Ryuji draping over him somehow, the lack of personal space a comfort, how bright Ryuji smiles…

Groaning, he turns around and smushes his face into the pillow, glasses digging into his face. 

“Okay,” he sighs as he turns back around, clutching the sheet. “I like Sakamoto Ryuji,” he says quietly, and he waits anxiously for the apocalypse to come. Or maybe screaming and heat… and… still no world-ending. 

Hesitantly, he brings down the sheet so he can stare at his room, eyes darting around. Blurry from his glasses, but nothing. Slowly, he sits up, pulling down the sheet. _So I was a_ bit _dramatic_ , he thinks with a scoff. 

Sitting on top of the sheets, he pulls off his shoes. “I like…” he frowns, trying the words again, “I like Ryuji,” he whispers. Where are all the harsh words he’s expecting? Mainly from himself, but… they’re not there. 

A part of him feels lighter. 

* * *

While part of his mind feels better, now he wants a label. Something concrete. 

Ever since he got to Tokyo, he’s been having labels put on to him―criminal, wild card, prisoner, and probably many others from his school mates that he’s forgotten. 

The point is, he _needs_ to find a good label for his sexuality. Sure, he’s read a lot online about you don’t need to choose, there’s no rush, and that’s all nice, but being able to choose a label that _he_ wants to outweighs the need to not think about it. 

* * *

Next to him on his bed, Ryuji yawns, planting his face into the manga he’s reading. “Class killed me,” Ryuji says, voice muffled. At this, Ren pats the other’s shoulder, finishing the page he was reading before looking up. 

“You’ll live.”

Ryuji groans and pulls the manga away, pouting. “ _Renren_ , I’m dyin’!” The blond whines, and Ren’s heart twists at Ryuji moving to rest his head on his shoulder. If any of the other Thieves were here, they’d probably say that Ren’s dramatics have rubbed off on Ryuji. 

“No you’re not,” he mumbles as he goes back to his manga, not really retaining it due to Ryuji’s warm weight on his side. He can feel Ryuji’s breath against his ear and hair too. “If you don’t die, I’ll make some curry for us later.” 

“Alright, alright, fine,” Ryuji grumbles loudly, scowl obvious in his voice. “Can I nap?” Ryuji asks, voice small. Ren’s face feels hot, and he hopes he doesn’t look as red as he feels. 

“Of course,” he replies, bringing the manga closer. Ryuji shifts, probably trying to find a comfortable position, and he considers moving so Ryuji can take the bed, but then an arm snakes around his waist. Biting his tongue, he risks looking beside him to see Ryuji, eyes closed and face peaceful. _Did he fall asleep already?_

Putting aside his jealousy at how easily Ryuji can sleep, he notices the arms curled around his waist, wrapping him with Ryuji’s warmth with Ryuji’s head still on his shoulder. 

Heart beating so fast, he worries that it’ll wake the other boy up, but Ryuji still sleeps. _I’m gay_ , pops into his mind, not registering it at first. 

_… Wait._

* * *

On one hand, he’s heard his friends say “I’m gay” and other variations that it just came up due to that influence. 

On the other hand, he _is_ gay. (?)

But _is_ he gay? Thinking about this at school probably isn’t the best idea, but where else. At least here he won’t get killed by shadows. 

So… does it _fit_ him? Ren’s not actually sure. He’s only recently accepted the fact that he’s not straight. It seems too easy. Like he’s expecting someone to know what he’s thinking and call him out on it, insulting him.

 _I am gay_ , he tries out as he stares out the window. _I’m gay,_ it feels… weird. Like a new pair of clothes that he’s not used to yet. But it also feels nice. Like a huge part of him is just relaxing.

Maybe he might change it later, or add on, and that’d be nice too, but at the moment. At the moment, it feels good. That’s what matters, right? 

He’s pulled out of his musings by his phone vibrating. A message from Ryuji, **_gym today?_** And he smiles. 

* * *

It’s a few days after, and to the consternation of the _other_ Phantom Thieves, he’s hanging out with Ryuji again. Today they’ve all decided that separately messaging him about how he always hangs out with the blond for some reason. 

“Ryuji,” he frowns, fiddling with his fingers as Ryuji looks from the game console, much more recent than his since they’re at Ryuji’s place. “I have something to tell you,” Ryuji immediately looks troubled, and Ren’s heart leaps. “Nothing bad! Just! I think… I figured something out, and…“ he trails off, curling up on Ryuji’s bed. 

Ryuji abandons the game console to sit next to him, “what?” The blond’s voice is soft, and he relaxes. 

“It’s―“ _it’s scary_ , really, he’s going to do this like five days after having it rattle around his head?! “I―“ he chokes. Pauses. Takes a deep breath, covering his eyes with a hand under his glasses. “I’m not. Straight.” 

There’s an _oh_ next to him, and not long after, “when did you figure that out?” Ryuji asks gently.

“It’s a recent thing,” he mutters and risks peeking through his fingers to look at Ryuji, who just looks like… Ryuji. He’s not sure what he expected, really. 

“Am I the first to know?” Ren nods, making Ryuji grin, “nice.” 

Ren smiles, slowly coming out of his pose. “I did say I’d tell you first,” he says, “although…” he frowns and licks his lips, “I’m…” he huffs, “I’m,” he scowls, trying to get the word out. Three letters and currently an impossible feat to get out. _Shooting a god in the head is easier, fuck._

He’s lifted out of his frustration by Ryuji leaning on him, shoving him lightly. “Don’t stress it, man.” 

“I _know_ , but I want to say it!” 

“And you will,” an arm wraps around his shoulders, and he relaxes automatically as Ryuji hugs him. “There’s no use forcing it.”

Ren huffs, heart fluttering at the hand rubbing his arm. “That’s what I’m going to do,” he announces. Ryuji sighs. “I. Am.” _Fuck_ , “I am very,” he bites his tongue. _Fuck you, brain._

“Dude,” Ryuji sighs and shoves him down, taking a pillow to smother his face, “stop!” 

“No!” They get into a little fight over the pillow, with it eventually being thrown across the room. “Gay! I’m!” He shouts, then grins gleefully, “I said it!” _I didn’t say it in the right order, but that doesn’t matter much._

“Okay, I’m happy for you,” Ryuji beams and lightly shoves him again, “can we play video games now?” 

* * *

A day later, with a long-suffering sigh from Ryuji, Ren calls a group meeting. “What’s this for?” Futaba asks, echoing the questioning stares from everyone. 

“Did something happen?” Haru frowns, and he watches as some of them visibly start to go into worst-case scenarios. Mainly Haru and Makoto. 

“Nothing happened. I just have an announcement to make,” he says clearly, and they relax. “I’m,” he licks his lips and looks at Ryuji, who smiles and gives him a thumbs up. He knows the Phantom Thieves wouldn’t take it badly, but getting up the courage to say it to his friends is the real struggle. “I am gay,” he frowns, not expecting it to come out so easily. 

Surprised, he stares at Ryuji, who laughs softly. He’s aware of the Thieves nods and general acceptance.

“Wait,” Ann says, “did Ryuji know before us?” She asks suspiciously. 

“Uh, yeah,” he blinks. 

The Thieves grumble light-heartedly, and things gently move on to other topics.

_**[Fin]** _

**Author's Note:**

> I left it there because Ren's Journey was more important to me than the whole Getting Together thing. ~~Things of "protag as Ryuji's gay awakening" is so old to me, especially when it was already hashed with P4 and souyo, like.... please. If you're getting it from your own experiences it's fine, but cis-straight people... It's been like 10 years of the same fics! Where's the variety!!~~
> 
> Writing this was very personal, though I didn't do Ren's thing of needing a label, but considering his life, I thought it'd fit. Considering how personal it felt, I think I did it well. Hmmm. Haru and Futaba are aro because I'm aro and I have the power. 
> 
> The PT whenever they learn Ren's "straight" looked at each other like "really? Him?" and then Ann and Ryuji are like "apparently." 
> 
> Please feed me, a local writer, with comments and kudos! ♥ ♥ 
> 
> [Tumblr](https://lenreli.tumblr.com/post/611576636470591488/finally-more-pegoryu-33k-fic-link) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/lenreli/status/1234844883916951557)


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